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Sign
of Affair: I Fell Out of Love...and just love
being in love
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by: Dr.
Robert Huizenga
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If
there is one front-and-forward excuse for
infidelity it is: " I fell out of love."
This usually means: I no longer feel sexually
attracted to you (I'm sexually attracted to
someone else, for now, at least.) Or, I need to
spice my life with giddy emotional highs and
intrigue every so often.
Infidelity has different faces...and different
signs and patterns.
Did you know there are 7 different kinds of
affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a
couple decades of clinical work and research, I've
identified 7.
And, if you look carefully, you will find that
each form of infidelity carries different signs
and markers. Know those specific signs of
infidelity and you can save yourself much grief.
One kind of affair I write about in my E-book is
called, "I Fell out of Love...and just love
being in love."
Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in
this kind of affair:
1. Hang on to your seat. This may be some ride,
much like a thrill ride at an amusement park.
There will likely be many ups and downs, spiced
with dramatic flair. Watching your spouse go
through his gyrations may leave you somewhat
dizzy. He will give his all to this new-found
"love" and at other times might find his
way back to you.
2. Typically you will struggle with being ignored
and feeling rather awful that you can't provide
the "love" this other person seems to
provide. You might find yourself questioning your
capacity to "love" and your
desirability. His affections will obviously be
centered on that other person.
3. He may want to tell you about this other
person. Not only might he want you to know about
the other person he may desire to share with you
some of the details of this relationship. He might
want you involved. This creates an intense
triangle that juices the drama. (Most classical
love stories are dramas, complete with a triangle;
he "falls in love" with the forbidden or
unattainable princess. Often the drama ends as a
tragedy - Romeo and Juliet.)
4. Expect some juvenile behavior such as love
letters (e-mail), special names, special promises,
secrets only for the two of them, etc. Some of
these affair relationships are the result of
unfinished business from adolescence. Perhaps he
was responsible for family or beset by some trauma
or internally or externally imposed injunctions
that precluded him from dating, socializing with
the opposite sex, and "falling in and out of
love" a number of times, which is so
important and vital for adolescent development.
5. You may hear the persistent phrase, "I
love you, but I'm not in love with you." He
may truly "like you" and depend on your
stability, goodness and understanding. The thought
of losing that may keep him connected with you.
His fear of losing that which is stable and
enduring may conflict with his need to follow his
feelings. As well, the possibility of loss may
point to the internal emptiness that stirs up very
uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. This is part
of the roller coaster ride.
6. He may feel very badly about his
"inability" to love you and his
"inability" not to love the other
person. He may express great remorse for the
dilemma. He may profess deep sadness for
"hurting" you - but, as you know, he has
no control. His feelings drive him. His
"concern" for you indicates his
superficial understanding of relationships. Or,
his "concern" for you may be a
manipulative attempt to find an easier exit from
the marriage.
7. Expect his feelings for the other person to
fade. They will fade quickly if this is a pure
"I've fallen out of love (and just love being
in love)" affair. The "romance" of
adolescent love affairs start quickly and end as
abruptly. If, however, other issues come into
play, such as, resentment and/or the inability to
say no, you have a more complicated situation that
takes longer to resolve.
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has
helped hundreds of couples over the past two
decades heal from the agony of extramarital
affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website
at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
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