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Recovering
from Romantic Fantasy
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by: James
Sniechowski
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Chances
are you never thought you needed to be rescued
from romance. In fact, you probably feel you need
more romance in your life, not less. The truth is
that most hearts are broken in the painful
difference between the possibility of real romance
and the insistence on the fantasy of romance --
with the real thing taking the loss.
Recovering from romantic fantasy is based on your
willingness to accept who you and your partner are
-- without deceit, without drama, without all of
the false puffery so many of us put around our
images of love, relationship and intimacy.
Recovering from romantic fantasy does not mean
living without it. It means you will have, perhaps
for the first time in your life, the chance to
experience reality-based romance that is
meaningful, fulfilling, passionate and can
actually help create a relationship you can trust
and delight in. This kind of romance -- real
romance -- can fill your soul with the feeling and
knowledge that you are loved for who you are, just
as you are, and it can inspire you to love deeply
and fully in return.
What can you expect should you decide to recover
from swept-away romantic fantasy? Here's an
example.
Judith: One evening, we bought a special pie for a
friend, to thank him for a favor he'd done for us.
It was a strawberry-banana cream pie with a collar
of sculpted whip cream around
the top. Careful not to tip it, Jim set it on the
floor of the car behind the driver's seat and we
made our way home.
The day had been particularly difficult for Jim,
and he was feeling raw and vulnerable. When we got
home, he picked up the pie and the box caught on
the edge of the seat, tumbled over and landed top
down. It was that kind of day. He looked to me and
timidly said, "Maybe it'll
be okay." He opened the box and the pie, of
course, was demolished, more like
strawberry-banana-cream porridge. Jim slumped.
I was angry that the pie had fallen and shocked
when Jim announced it might have survived intact.
I knew better. How could he not have? But, more
importantly, I knew Jim was
suffering. I understood what he was going through.
So, I put my arm around him and told him,
"It's a mess, isn't it? I'm so sorry.....
Let's get another one later."
It was a moment of real romance that left both of
us feeling whole and human, compassionate and
connected, loved and loving. In contrast to the
grandiosity of romantic fantasy, we were just in
our garage with a fallen pie, and yet we both
experienced a sense of grace and beauty and a
special bond of intimacy.
Can you picture yourself sitting around dreaming
up a romantic fantasy where a dropped pie leads to
heartfelt love? Most people, being honest, would
have to say, "No." That's just not how
romance is thought of in our culture. Besides,
romantic fantasy always ends up being punitive. It
is contemptuous of "fallen pies." It's
dismissive of human imperfection, derisive of
anything that doesn't reach the lofty heights of
romantic bliss.
Real romance comes from beyond what you already
know. It's spontaneous, unrehearsed and
open-hearted. It's about what's happening in the
moment, about the attention and affection between
two people.
When you're open to the heightened awareness of
real romance, a vivid, even ecstatic experience
can spring from any unexpected moment. If you try
to hold onto it, you cancel your invitation for
life to catch you off guard and take you into the
deepest places of your heart and soul.
(Excerpted from The New Intimacy, Health
Communications Inc.)
About The Author:
Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski share the
secret of life-long romance. Be sure to get your
copy of their Free 1 hour teleseminar
"Keeping Romance Alive," and find out
how. Just go to: http://www.judithandjim.com
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