How to Overcome The Fear of Rejection

by: Rick Valens

Feeling uncomfortable in the stomach, cold sweaty palm, trembling of legs, losing the ability to think correctly when approaching a girl? Hate yourself for not able to overcome this problem? Oh, please do not feel so. Believe me, you are not the only one facing this problem. In fact, this is a very common problem in man. Everyone is just like you, not willing to admit it openly, having the fear of being laughed and mocked by others. But there is absolutely nothing wrong for feeling so.

Well approaching a girl, asking her out for a date isn’t really as scary as you thought. For all you may know, the girl is just as or even more nervous than you. Some guys are born with the natural flair with girls while some guys are just born shy. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t do as good. In fact, shy men are who most girls are looking for. It is really a pity that all the good men are hiding up leaving the girls with not much of a choice but to hang out with the jerks.

So how can you overcome your fear? Well, this is something that I can’t help you. You simply just got to make that first step, that very first attempt. Still feeling too nervous? Ok, perhaps we should take things a little slower. There is actually no urgent need for you to just walk up to a girl and ask her out for a date. Too sudden? You might just scare her off. But please, don’t take for ages before someone else try to cut in the queue. I don’t suppose you memorized your whole school textbook before going for your exams? It’s the same thing, you don’t need to wait till you fully overcome your fear before you approach a girl.

Well anyway, I should believe that the both of you are at least like normal friends? Classmates? Colleagues or? Whatever it is, grab any chance to get closer to her. Too shy to strike a conversation with her? Look her in the eyes, drop her a nice warm smile. Make her notice you, make her remember you, let her know that you exist! You be surprised, your eyes can actually work more wonders than to words at times. All these will eventually boost the chance of success when approaching her at a later date. She will naturally feel more comfortable with you than to be approached by a total stranger.

Ok, now that you have done all of what you can do, no more excuses from you! Stop hiding up, it’s time to make your move. Now, I want you to follow very closely after me. Take a deep breathe, gather all your courage. She is sitting all alone on the bench under the tree. Slowly and steady, you walk towards her. Yes, step by step getting nearer and nearer. She turns and saw you approaching. Remember, she has seen you before, she knows who you are. Now look her in the eyes, smile at her. She greets you with her nice gentle smile. One final step, you stop in front of her. “Hi, what a coincides to see you here”, you say to her in a nice, friendly voice. “Busy with anything now? How about a little coffee together?” Smiling so sweetly at you she replies teasingly, “Your treat? Sure why not?”

Hey you still with me? Ha sorry, was just trying to play a little game of hypnosis with you. Did I fare horribly? Well anyway, it would really be so lovely if things were as what I had described? Why not? Why couldn’t it be possible? You see, the problem with most people is that they always tend to create negative thoughts; creating an image of failure, an image of been rejected in their mind before things actually happen. Subconsciously, they have actually rejected themselves before anyone else could even reject them and yes, the likely chances is they will fail. Just like in soccer matches, when David Beckham scores from his spectacular free kick? If at the moment before he even lifts his feet, he was creating the image of ballooning away the ball over the goal post in his mind, you think he will score? So why not picture things the other way round, telling your mind; yourself that you are going to make it? It will definitely boosts your confidence and the chance of a success.

Hope you are feeling more comfortable and less nervous now? But well, the chance of being rejected is nonetheless always still there. So what should happen if you really fail? You should learn to graciously accept the rejection. It is perfectly alright, my friend. At least you know you have tried? You finally pluck out that courage? There is nothing to feel ashamed of. Picture it this way; you are the one being approached instead. Approached by a girl that is not of your type. You would have rejected her as well, wouldn’t you? But would you make fun of her, laugh and mock at her? I should believe not? Instead, you would have felt happy and thankful to her; it is just a pity that she is not your type of girl? That is exactly how the girl whom rejected you would have felt too; it is just a pity that you are not her type of guy. Nobody would be laughing at you, probably they would be admiring you for your courage instead.

Though you might be rejected but believe me, once there is a first time the rest will just come naturally. You might be sad and disappointed but once you get yourself back, you would have remembered that it wasn’t as scary what you had thought. You would have probably already overcome a great deal of your fear. It is just like the first time driving out on your own after getting your license. For some unlucky ones, meeting up with a little accident. But that doesn’t stop them from driving on? In fact, experiences were gained. So was confidence along the way, driving more smoothly, stepping even harder on the accelerator?

Well, rejection is part and parcel of life. It is not only in love that you get rejected. In life, you are faced with more rejections. Rejections from your work? Your boss? Your business associates? Even your own family? But that won’t stop you from moving on in life?

Last but not least, there is one thing you have to accept. The fact that, you are a man! It is afterall still the guy’s job to do the asking. You just gotta do it and I am sure you can do it yeah?

Rick Valens
Staff Writer for http://www.loveletterbox.com ,
Love Relationship Discussion Forum

Currently also freelance writer for http://www.ecemetery.org,
Monument of Eternal Memory